Pumpkin Spice and the empty cup

Annual Trail Rides 202/200 (Bareback 29/40)

Ive been reminded of the zen proverb about the empty cup a few times these last few months, and I think it is such a powerful analogy when it comes to learning and growth. Obviously, horses are an incredible catalyst to self-awareness, learning and growth and my Q is no exception.

The zen proverb is based on a zen master receiving a student who has come to learn but spends all his time explaining to the master his great accomplishments and successes. The zen master invites him to tea and then proceeds to filling his tea cup until it is overflowing. The student exclaims while the tea is spilling over the the table, and the zen master says "you are like this cup. Overfilled. I can not add to your learning until you empty your cup."

Its come to my attention recently that Q prompted me to empty my cup a few years ago, and it continues to be something I am working on. It started when he first arrived, and I could not touch his ears or put on his halter. He was a 2 year old stud colt at the time, and of course I was both trying to be cautious but also very transactional in the sense of "let's just desensitize those ears". Well, it didn't work, and I ended up with an angry and aggressive Q as a result. His fight response is strong.

My old-timer coach came to help me, but that didn't work, as he was also in the transactional/desensitize school of thought. My fearless leader and BO suggested I try love, just finding the spot on his neck that he could accept and staying under threshold. That worked. It took months, but finally got to the point that I could inspect his ears thoroughly ... and then I found the culprit ... bloody and oozing warts from biting flies.

Our first summer together I had a checklist of things I wanted to work on with him. Showers, saddles, blankets, groundwork, etc. We hit another stumbling block with the shower stall. Once he realized it was a torture stall where I sprayed water in his face ... he no longer wanted to go down the aisle of the shower stall. I can not tell you how many times I backed him up, cracked the whip, or had somebody push him from behind. It was embarrassing. And then, I stopped using the shower stall for its purpose for one month, and converted it into my personal grooming stall. No water was used. And carrots were dispensed. He now trots down that aisle with purpose even though that period was more than 5 years ago.

Ive written many times of the shortcuts that Q has provided me in our training. Ive since had to throw out my preconceived notions of transactional training and desensitizing. In fact, to add insult to injury, my husband tried to "sack me out" with a pillow one time, and I almost blew my lid. It was the most irritating thing I had ever experienced. I stopped desensitizing after that day.

There was the year where Q would blow up every time I tried to correct a canter lead on trail. There was the season where Q would not approach the mounting block but always move his hind quarters away. There was the summer where I could not lead Q without him trying to drag me somewhere.

All those memories seem in a distant past, but what remains true is that if I ask a question that Q knows how to say "yes" then our time together becomes special, enchanted, and our bond grows.

Because, what is the value of saying yes if no is never an option?

And so I have found ways to help Q find peace and success, and in turn he has taught me to trust and let go.

And so here we are, on ride #202, and we are cantering down this lovely path switching leads every 20 strides. We turn the corner, I see this view, I ask for an abrupt stop and then exclaim "Pumpkin Spice" as I take a picture. Windswept mane is bonus.

Following this pic, Q proceeded to read my mind as we switched gaits. Our relationship has evolved as I have learned to take a backseat, emptied my cup, find the yes question while accepting the occasional no, and let go. Yep, letting go is hard.

My pic of the year. I took this while cantering (see flying mane) on a gorgeous fall ride and my #200 trail. It showcases my ability to canter long stretches without the reins and while filming with my iPhone. A mastery of balance and trust.

This summer I have made some extra effort to just "spend time" with Q, not asking for anything as he free grazes near me and I eat my lunch or check my emails. It usually lasts 20-30 minutes and I think it has made a difference. I will miss this extra bit of down time as winter quickly approaches. The times he has been spooked, he has run to me instead of going back to the barn. I think that says it all.